SMSQ/E ERROR MESSAGES

And What They Really Mean!

by Dilwyn Jones

A list of the "real" SMSQ/E error codes and messages, and an interpretation of what they frequently boil down to! The beauty of this operating system is that you could probably add a replacement module with these as the real error messages.

0=No error occurred.
I think I'm a PC today, I don't need an error to crash.

-1=incomplete
The computer took a tea break!
OR: PC virus failed to infect the QL!
OR: Time out, user fell asleep after another late night programming session.
OR: What makes you think I intend to finish anything today, mate?

-2=invalid Job ID.
What the hell are you trying to do!
OR: Multitasking attempted and failed disastrously.

-3=insufficient memory.
Do you think this is a good impersonation of a PC? (This is usually programmed into chips by memory suppliers to persuade you to buy more RAM, or the chip makers bribed the software writers to fill up more RAM, to sell more memory!)
OR: Have you been trying to run PC software on me again?
OR: A good impersonation of a PC.

-4=value out of range.
You paid too much for this software.

-5=buffer full.
You can't kick me any more.
OR: Too many errors happened, computer is depressed.
OR: You don't seriously expect me to cope with that do you?

-6=invalid channel ID.
You close the window after writing to it, twit!
OR: I refuse to send that to there.
OR: You forgot to pay your TV licence.

-7=Not found.
Your brain is not in gear.

-8=already exists.
You already did that, idiot.
OR: Re-inventing the wheel again, are we?

-9=is in use.
How many things do you really want to do at a time?
OR: One at a time PLEASE!

-10=end of file.
No more co-operation from me, mate.

-11=medium is full.
Tony Tebby added too many things to this version.
OR: Too much email arrived!
OR: Another good PC impersonation.

-12=invalid name.
That's your lot for today. Next user please!
OR: For some reason, the QL thought it was a (spit!) PC.

-13=transmission error.
Another wasted phone call.
OR: Time to contact Jonathan Hudson!
OR: Dilwyn's PC (or Jochen Merz's video) broke down again.
OR: Please buy some better communications software.

-14=format failed.
Buy better disks, skinflint.
OR: What made you think I'd format that heap of junk in my drive?

-15=invalid parameter.
Why don't you become a gardener rather than a programmer?

-16=medium check failed.
Since you didn't keep backups, I decided to destroy your only copy of this file.
OR: Terribly sorry, please take 5 hours to re-install SMSQ-E and everything else from scratch onto your hard disk.

-17=error in expression.
You swore, so I'm on strike.

-18=arithmetic overflow.
Buy a bigger microprocessor, or better software.
OR: You mean you're THAT rich?

-19=not implemented.
Buy a later version of this software.
OR: The SPACE bar is broken, press SPACE to continue.
OR: Do you expect Tony Tebby to work 24 hours a day? Be patient!

-20=write protected.
I'm not going to allow you to do anything today.
OR: This is a master disk, I need help from the user to destroy it!

-21=invalid syntax.
Brain not in gear.
OR: Time to buy a new version of this program!

-22=unknown message.
I hate programmers who swear.
OR: Duuh!

-23: unknown error.
Reserved for describing the efforts of bad programmers.
OR: Sorry, we can't figure out what the heck the programmer was trying to do.

-1234567890: max error
Just to have an error number which is 1 higher than the number of error reports you get under Windows!

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